Close Your Case America
Dear Friend,
I would like to share my view on divorce. But first before I do, let me start by saying I have a burden for those who suffer a divorce. God has sent plenty of divorce victims my way. I truly have compassion for them. Since I have firsthand experience of the tragedy that has struck their life. I had some good friends help me through what I thought was the end of my life. They put up with me and most of all, let me talk. You need to talk when you are going through a divorce.
One friend of mine who had been through a divorce, loved to cut up and have a good time and his laugh was one that every one in the county could hear. I asked him one time, how can you laugh again? How can I get there? I am sick of feeling depressed. He put his hand on my shoulder and got real serious, I promise you, hang in there dude, and one day you'll laugh again. And he was right.
I also remembered the words of my grandpa, I was 16 and had a girlfriend break my heart, he told me he knew I would have a hard time understanding this now, but each day you wake up the pain would be just a little less intense. And as the days go by, one day before I realized it, the wound would be healed and the pain would go away. He was right then and he was right today. God healed my heart. And gave me the ability to forgive. And I mean God's way of forgiveness. Honestly, I look at my ex-wife and her new husband as just another brother and sister in Christ. I enjoy their fellowship at ball games and birthday parties.
Of course they had to forgive me as well for us to be able to fellowship. Divorce is a process of ripping and tearing. Its not a clean precise cut. You don't just get up one day and say hey, let's get a divorce. Ok, make the appointment with the lawyer. No, both parties are in need of repentance by the time its over. If there are children involved you really need to find forgiveness. When Jesus is the common denominator all things are possible. That kind of forgiveness only comes when we take it to God.
I hung on to scripture like, Psalms 57 the whole chapter. Under thy wings will I make my refuge until these calamities pass. Philippians 3: 13-14 forgetting those things, which are behind, & reaching forth things unto those things which are before.
There is a perfect will of God for a divorced person's life. And if you are a divorced victim, (by the way both parties are a victim, they may not both realize it but they are) God can patch you up and get you back on the battlefield, you have a new battle to fight. You haven't lost the war. There are some consequences to deal with, just like if a person addicted to drugs repents they will have lasting scars on their body that will not go away. But move forward in your Christian walk. We know that God can take something that was intended for evil and use it for good. Genesis 50:20. And may I say that if you have repented of things concerning your marriage, don't let the devil bring you back down. He has had enough victories. Hebrews 10:17 and their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.
If you repented, God doesn't even remember the sin the devil keeps throwing in your face. By the way, that's how we need to do those who trespass against us. FORGIVE and then FORGET. Listen, this will take time. Just keep turning to the Lord. Don't cling on to your anger. Let God heal your heart in the process of time. Jesus can't fulfill your joy if your heart is full of anger and hate.
Now, I would like to share with you what I believe to be Bible based Holy Spirit inspired thoughts on divorce. If you are someone who is considering divorce as an option, it's my prayer that you will read this letter with an open heart. I know there is a time that a person can get to where you would rather claw someone's eyes out rather than listen to someone talk against divorce because your mind is made up. I remember when I was a young boy looking for a Hot Rod. I found a 68 big block Camano. My dad tried telling me I didn't need this car. Lots of bad things would come from it. I didn't hear a word he said. I saw the car I wanted and nothing else would do. I was angry with my dad. My mind was made up. Was dad right? Absolutely. So hopefully your mind isn't made up. The devil doesn't talk you into divorce over night. He has to BUILD A CASE. I desire to cut him off at the pass.
Why does God hate divorce? Because it is completely contrary to how God treats us and destroys his plan for the family and how it is to be run.
What if God divorced us? We are not perfect by any stretch. How long would he have to BUILD A CASE on us? God loves us how? Unconditionally! But God commendth his love toward us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us. Romans 5:8.
Today, we say I'll stay married with you as long as I'm happy. That is conditional love and idolatry. We are putting our faith in a man or woman to give us happiness, not God.
John 15: 9-12. As the father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. If ye keep my commandments ye shall abide in my love; even as I have loved you. These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might remain full. This is my commandment, that ye love one another as I have loved you.
Where does joy come from? Man or Woman ? No, Jesus said keep his commandments so his joy might remain in you that your joy might remain full.
JESUS! JESUS! JESUS! The true source of happiness. And how does God love us,
Unconditionally.
2 Corinthians 5:17-21......in short...And all things are of God , who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation...
Picture a Man and Woman who are feeling distant to each other, Like they cannot connect any more. If you could get both parties to focus on Jesus, they would end up at the same point, together. Close to God and full of joy. We often times only see our marriage as person-to-person. But there is a third and fourth party. Jesus is trying to pull you together and the devil is trying to tear you apart. Who are you going to listen to? Recognize the voice of the accuser (the devil) and remind yourself that no one is perfect.
BUILD A CASE, I hate that mentality. I had a friend I once worked with who hadn't received a raise in two years. This bothered me. He NEVER missed work or was ever late. His quality could not be in question. He always took pride in his work. Well, even though it was none of my business I asked my foreman why this man hadn't received a raise in 2 years. He told me his reasons. I asked if he had communicated to my friend why, and what my friend needed to do to obtain his goal. My foreman then explained to me that it's like any thing else you have to build a case. And he wasn't finished building his case. Well, my friend gave them his week's notice with the ultimatum that he would stay if they would give him the raise.
They let him go and not once did they offer the reasons why they wouldn't give him a raise. They didn't want to discuss it, because their mind was made up, they wanted to start over fresh with a new employee. What if God did not communicate to us his will? He gave us his word (the Bible) and the Holy Spirit. We would be a lost people with no hope or direction. We would do well to take some of the characteristics of God and communicate to those we love.
You see that's how the devil does people in marriage. He or she is unhappy.
The devil tells them immediately that the grass is greener on the other side.
So let's start to build a case. Hey, we don't have to tell our unsuspecting spouse we are building a case. We'll just hit them all at once when we are through. Let me share with you the case built on me.
I didn't love her for who she was. How do you know this?
Because he asked me to die my hair blonde and paint my fingernails red like my sisters.
All true I did this. I was immature. But I for sure loved her just as she was. Someone lied to her. Who is the father of lies? The devil. John 8:44, For he is a liar, and the father of it. Who is our accuser? The devil. Rev12: 10, for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.
Next, I spent all my time with my brother working on my drag car.
Yes, I spent a lot of time doing that. And that's why I sold it because I knew my wife did not approve. But wait a minute, we are trying to build a case here, no time to allow someone to repent.
Last, I requested for several reasons that she get a job. First, she seemed unhappy when I would come home from work being stuck in the house all day. Second, Greed. We both desired things we could not afford to have. I didn't make much more than minimum wage. So I felt we could make up a lot more ground if she got a job. She resented me for this. Looking back now as a mature Christian, it grieves my heart that I did this.
You see at first she said she just fell out of love and got married too young. She realized this was not a good excuse so she built a case.
Of course there is only one exception God gives for divorce. Adultery.
And even then, God does not command us to divorce. Out of the hardness of your heart you may. It is not a commandment. Why is adultery such a wicked sin? It has the potential to create a living soul. God made sex an incredible experience for man and woman meant to increase the love bond of husband and wife. Hey, he could have made it like deer and bread once a year with no spark at all. If we make having this experience with someone other than our wife or husband an option, we are not as tied down to each other. God would have us to, if we desire that experience, kiss and make up to be as one again. But now days, if we can't get it at home, we'll go somewhere else.
What if a soul is created out of lust? Love plus Love equals Love.
Lust plus Lust equals decision time. What to do. Sometimes ends in murder. Abortion.
And lust plus lust doesn't always equal love. The baby isn't loved like it would be by a husband and wife desiring a family. Ho, it's a terrible sin. Every baby is precious to God. Matthew 18:6 Whosoever offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
But why didn't God make it a commandment? I think God in his infinite wisdom knew all the different scenarios. If your wife slept with someone and got pregnant, I think your heart would be so hard you would have a hard time forgiving her and loving the baby. (keep in mine though, that all things are possible through Christ) So out of the hardness of your heart and the sake of the baby whom God Loves, (never lose sight of this) you may get a divorce.
But God, in most cases, would have us to forgive as Christ forgave us. Completely.
By the way in Mathew 5:27-28 God tells us if we lust after another woman or man in our heart, we are guilty of adultery already. To God a sin is a sin. Guilty of one, Guilty of all.
Notice in Deuteronomy 24:4 God says that IF you do get a divorce, I want you to know it is final!!!! No going back.
Why? God wants you to take the decision seriously and not react quickly to the pain.
He wants you to know that it will be final. No getting over being mad and remarrying.
Why? Don't play games with the children. And don't take your vow with God that you made on your wedding day so lightly.
Malachi 2:16, God hates divorce.
#1 reason God Hates Divorce. CHILDREN!!!!
My preacher told a story once about the devil and his demons setting around a table, trying to figure out how to deceive man. One demon says let's tell there is no God. The devil said that would never work, God put in their heart the knowledge that there is a God. After several ideas, one old wicked demon said; let's tell them to wait until tomorrow to get saved.
Imagine the frustration the devil had with God and this Unconditional love thing.
How can I break this circle of love? It makes me sick. And God gave the stinkin' mother and father the instinct to naturally love their kids. And those kids grow up to be loving parents, and the cycle just keeps going. WAIT A MINUTE. I'll tell mother and father that they are unhappy with each other. I'll point out all the imperfections. I'll get them to build a case to justify breaking their vow with God. I'll tell them not to worry about the kids. They will adjust, oh this is very important, because those stinkin' parents love their kids. Oh if I can break the heart of the child, I know it will break the heart of God. Oh what sweet sound to hear a child cry for his mommy or daddy. How do you like that God? Kick ME out of heaven will you!!!!
Let us not forget who and what our adversary is. Ephesians 6:12.We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
The kids will adjust. Let's stop right there for a minute. I heard this a lot when my wife left me, don't worry they will be fine.
THAT MAKES ME ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Adjust to what? The ways of the devil?!?! They must learn to not be so tender hearted.
They must learn that love is not unconditional. They must learn that if you're unhappy, it's ok to break up a family regardless who is hurt. Mommy or daddy has built a case against their mommy or daddy so that's why you must endure the pain. Hey mommy and daddy still love you we just don't love each other. (Now that doesn't make a bit of sense to a kid. They thought that they were a family. And everyone was supposed to love everyone.) Loss of security.
OH THEY DO AJUST! Hearts gets harder; they have learned new ideas about what a family is. Not God's idea of what a family is. They have to learn how to ADJUST to a step-mom and dad, stepbrothers and sisters, and even step grand parents. Man there are so many consequences that the kids face. Not the stinkin' parents. Who are too selfish to stop to think about the kids! And too blinded by the devil to understand that God is the answer to their unhappiness. The devil has a lot to work with on a child who is of a broken home. And that is what it is to that child. His or her HOME IS BROKEN. One of several things kids have to deal with is the order of birth. You have the oldest, middle and the youngest. All have distinct God given characteristics. This order is mixed up when families blend. This alone is a very difficult adjustment.
For instance my oldest son had to adjust to being the youngest son of three in my home yet was still the oldest in his mom's home. And my little girl is no longer the baby in the family.
My son is now a teenager and has built a case against me now. He has decided that he doesn't need to stay with me any longer. Oh he has a case, just ask him. I recently went to God with my sins and asked forgiveness. Thank God for his faith and just forgiveness
1st John 1:9. I meant business with God. Our fellowship had been renewed. I told God that my ears were wide open. I thought he would speak to me about my son and what I needed to do. But instead it was like he was telling me, to go and be a part of helping prevent this from happening to another child. And I'll help you with yours. I have a true desire from God to be a good dad. It is one, of only a few things, (child of God, father, husband) that I desire to be good and successful at. You say ah ha, you love your kids more than God. No God is the one who gave me kids. I don't love the creation more than our awesome creator. But I am well connected to the love of a father that God gave me.
As long as I love my son unconditionally, praise him when he does good, and correct him and show him consequences for doing wrong, I believe by the word of God, we'll be ok.
I am used to having him in my home every other week. Its been so tough only seeing my kids four days a month. You see in God's plan of the family my son would have had to work it out at home. He would not have been able to sell mom on the idea that he was being mistreated, because she would have known better.
But you see he had built a case. And I have noticed this for a while. He looks for the bad in people. At first I thought that his teachers or who ever he would talk about was just being a jerk to my son. It doesn't take long to realize the truth. He had even built a case against my church. Never mind all the good things about my church. This is where we all need to be careful. I promise you, the devil can help you build a case against every Christian church in the world. After all, it is full of sinners. Keep your eyes on Jesus lest you fall.
Do you see what we have taught our kids? My wife built a case. Never mind all the good things about me. By her very words to our baby sitter back then, I was a good husband, and a good father. She just wasn't happy anymore.
I wanted to make her happy, and this is where I messed up. I tried every thing I could to make her happy. I tried to be God. (Boy talk about a failure.) I didn't take her to God in time. I did try, but I waited too late. You see when we came back from Germany I did not keep us in church. I didn't know where to go and I didn't have time to find a place. I was too busy with my HOTROD. (by the way, the very hot rod my pop warned would only cause problems)
All the good you do means nothing if they don't have Jesus close to their heart because Jesus is the true source of joy. Going to church and developing a church family is very important to the success of a marriage. God's plan is plainly to help and bless his people through his people. I want to outline this for you.
John 1:12 But as many as received him to them gave he the power to become the sons of God
2 Peter 2:2 as newborn babes desire the sincere milk of word , that ye may grow thereby. Hebrews 10:25 not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together.
1 Peter 5:8 the devil as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
Ephesians 6:11 put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. (Verses 13-17 are a picture of a soldier)
Proverbs 11:14 where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is SAFETY.
Ecclesiastes 4:10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth: for he hath not another to help him.
Imagine a newborn baby alone in the desert. How much trouble would a hungry roaring lion have in devouring that baby?
Now, put that baby in the mist of a group of fully armored and armed soldiers. How much trouble would the lion have?
So what if I go to God but my marriage is strained even more because of my spouse's rebellion to God?
When do we give up on being happy with our spouse?
Does this question sound familiar?
Peter, In Matthew 18:21-22 Asked Jesus, How many times must I forgive? Seven times? Jesus answered, no seventy times seven. You say, AH HA! 490 times. No problem!
No, God did not mean to give them 490 tries. Psalms130: 3 if thou Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord who shall stand. It's a good thing God doesn't keep track of our sins and give us 490 tries!
My sister is a perfect example of having faith in God in her marriage.
She has faith and just knows that someday her husband will come back to Jesus and change his ways. Not many would put up with the things she does everyday for 20+ years.
1st Corinthians 7:13-14. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean: but now are they holy.
Her children were raised in church. There home was never broken. There are some consequences that family will never face because of her obedience to God.
Galatians 6 verse 7, Be not deceived: God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. Verse 9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
AND what about Matthew 5:10-12? Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are ye when men shall revile you and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake, Rejoice and be exceedingly glad for great is your reward. This is talking about heaven, brothers and sisters, a place where your reward will never diminish. The devil does all he can to get us to forget about those verses.
So are you building a case? I plead with you to close your case.
My preacher once said, Until you make up your mind once and for all that you are going to church every Sunday and Wednesday, you will not be able to have faithful attendance to the house of God. If you get up Sunday and have to decide whether or not you are going to church, you open the door for the devil to give you hundreds of reasons not to go. You have to slam the door shut! Come Sunday morning you get up and automatically start getting ready for church. There is no decision to be made. You've won that battle in your life.
May I plead with you now, treat your vow with God concerning your marriage this same way. Divorce is not even an option. Close the door on the devil. And give God the chance to do what he promises you he will do for your obedience. Fulfill your joy.
Sincerely
Scott Dyal
Mathew 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
